Again, I didn't sleep last night. Spent the early hours trying to figure out what I should do. I'm stuck. I don't seem to be able to do anything at the moment. Keep thinking about the past as I can't envisage a future. The age-old 'What if'? keeps appearing.
What if:
I hadn't been such a twat?
I hadn't said such terrible things?
I hadn't been so bloody dramatic?
Too late now. As I'm fond of telling people, it's not something you cab go back and change now.
Still have nowhere to live and I'm getting concerned that I've out-stayed my welcome at the place I'm at now. Sure that the guy who's letting me stay in his (unfinished) annexe is trying to find some way to ask me to leave. May just be paranoia but I think I'm right. If I have to move on, I'm stuffed. It's more than likely that I'll be sleeping in my car again. Not easy in a Mini.
Last night I considered loading the car up with the few things I have with me and leaving. Just driving somewhere, locking the car and disappearing. Seems more and more appealing. I could just wander off and starve to death somewhere away from everyone. No more of this shit.
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